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Breath of life launched. Boobeep.
Mar. 12th, 2022 10:51 pmWell...if anything, I'll be spending more time here now.
But still. Life's not been that fine on the inside. I'm frustrated with myself. I got no motivation to write what I wanna write. I'm slowly being transistioned into Bryanton-Straton college for art classes, too bad it's a little late for that. I just don't feel motivated to do art anymore. That's because I feel like my art is not nearly at the level it should be at my age. For God's sake, I'm 19 and I still don't know what it means to blend lines or shading.
My art just straight up doesn't get any views, likes, or anything. I don't even think it's because my art is an eyesore. I think it's worse than that: I think my art gets passed over because it's GENERIC. I lack the skill or the knowledge to draw anything that people haven't already seen 500 times. Why would people come to see a badly porportioned version of some stock static pose everyone else uses? Flat lines, flat colors, flat shading. Every time I try a new trick, it just looks butchered. And when I flip the canvas and see that one arm is longer than the other, it just makes me question why I even bothered.
I get a little joy when I draw still, then I look at the mistakes I made, and then I go on Tumblr and I get hit in the face by artists I could never hold a candle to. Heh, yeah, like THAT gets me motivated. No disrespect to those artists of course. Again, I'm frustrated with MYSELF. I SHOULD be that good by now. I'm just not. It makes me want to throw myself against a wall.
And then I had to abandon Discord because a $15 billion dollar company doesn't want to have actual cyber security. I thought I was strong enough, but four days in, I miss the fuck out of my friends. I'm not used to not having a line of little Discord icons on the top of my phone. I wrote my tumblr and Twitter names in my About Me before I logged out for the last time, but nobody but one guy from Omni Rift followed me. So was the cyberattack just a total loss? Did all my friends get hacked? Or am I just not missed? What would it look like if I returned now? Can I even return now? Is it possible to log back into Discord?
But still. Life's not been that fine on the inside. I'm frustrated with myself. I got no motivation to write what I wanna write. I'm slowly being transistioned into Bryanton-Straton college for art classes, too bad it's a little late for that. I just don't feel motivated to do art anymore. That's because I feel like my art is not nearly at the level it should be at my age. For God's sake, I'm 19 and I still don't know what it means to blend lines or shading.
My art just straight up doesn't get any views, likes, or anything. I don't even think it's because my art is an eyesore. I think it's worse than that: I think my art gets passed over because it's GENERIC. I lack the skill or the knowledge to draw anything that people haven't already seen 500 times. Why would people come to see a badly porportioned version of some stock static pose everyone else uses? Flat lines, flat colors, flat shading. Every time I try a new trick, it just looks butchered. And when I flip the canvas and see that one arm is longer than the other, it just makes me question why I even bothered.
I get a little joy when I draw still, then I look at the mistakes I made, and then I go on Tumblr and I get hit in the face by artists I could never hold a candle to. Heh, yeah, like THAT gets me motivated. No disrespect to those artists of course. Again, I'm frustrated with MYSELF. I SHOULD be that good by now. I'm just not. It makes me want to throw myself against a wall.
And then I had to abandon Discord because a $15 billion dollar company doesn't want to have actual cyber security. I thought I was strong enough, but four days in, I miss the fuck out of my friends. I'm not used to not having a line of little Discord icons on the top of my phone. I wrote my tumblr and Twitter names in my About Me before I logged out for the last time, but nobody but one guy from Omni Rift followed me. So was the cyberattack just a total loss? Did all my friends get hacked? Or am I just not missed? What would it look like if I returned now? Can I even return now? Is it possible to log back into Discord?
